Oh, literature. Man's greatest folly. I tried reading something once; "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu. Took far longer than the two hours I was expecting. I made it to the part about laser guns and whipping your friends to make them run faster and I just decided enough was enough. So I made a movie about it called "Demon Knight". Took some artistic liberties, of course, and had no choice but to publish it under a pseudonym. I wasn't looking for fame or glory, I just wanted to do something good for the next fellow who gets it in their head to read a book.

As my old Women's Studies professor used to say, movies are so much simpler, and at the same time, so much more rewarding. Think about it; you use your eyes, ears and nose to experience the wonders of film. With books, all you have to work with is your "imagination". How uncivilized.

Ah... How I truly miss watching movies. If only my hand did not slip through the reel when I reach to grasp it. Luckily, I have had plenty of free time to devise a grand plan. I'm pretty sure that if I wait long enough, the mice from the cellar will evolve to the point where, driven by a natural instinct to watch movies, they can simply feed the stock into the projector and flip the switch to turn it on. It hasn't happened yet but surely it must eventually. That's just how nature works.

I'm supposed to be helping you, aren't I?